you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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