So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
