Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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