I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
