the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
