Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
