I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
