There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
