I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize