I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
