Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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