The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
