After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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