We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
