What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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