You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize