just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
