I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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