I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
