God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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