I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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