Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
