As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
