So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
