I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
