Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
