I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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