Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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