Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
