dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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