here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
