Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
