My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
