Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
