oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
