i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
