Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
