Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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