adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
