um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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