Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
