dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
