Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
