the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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