he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
