my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
