fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize