I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
