Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
