I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
