i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
