Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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