"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
