Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
