I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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