im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize