I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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