hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
