Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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