i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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