I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
