I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
