They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
