Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
